THE ONTARIO FREEBIE
by Tim Hazelwood, Acclaim Music

Once upon a time there were spring-like temperatures in Northern Ontario.
Unfortunately, these wonderful temperature readings and "feels like summer"
springtime evenings don't always come out the way you had hoped for,
especially when you are a DJ. Allow me to illustrate my case in point. I was
asked recently to write an article featuring highlights of being a DJ in
Northern Ontario. It just so happened that the article you are reading now
was written as a result of a booking which took place only two days after I
was asked to write the article. Here's the story.

I was asked by one of my aunts to play music for her 25th wedding anniversary.
Don't get me wrong, I do know how to entertain as well but all she wanted was
some music for her outdoor anniversary party. Sounded like an easy gig and
she was a good friend so I accepted to do the booking at no charge (She was
also providing me with a wonderful dinner and it would be a great time for me
to meet some relatives which I had not seen in years. Don't forget - she's my
aunt and booking is for free.)

All I asked in return was to have help available for unloading and that both
myself and my system receive protection from the elements. This is where the
fun starts. I arrived ahead of schedule so that I could chat it up with some
relatives and lo and behold as soon as I got there, she wanted me set up right
away so that they could feed the guests. Some of them were getting a little
cold. (Three-thirty in the afternoon; temperature was a balmy 42 degrees
fahrenheit.) Another reason that they needed to eat was that some of these
people had already drunk a large quantity of spirits and needed some food in
their system, if you know what I mean.

I then proceeded to unload the truck by myself. (No one was available to help
for some reason.) Speakers, Karaoke, system, lights, and music. The setup
was on a back deck overlooking a huge backyard with a tent set up for the
guests and food. Had to cart all of the equipment up approximately 18 stairs.
This was a new deck that they had just built. ("Isn't the deck wonderful,"
she exclaimed.) I had not seen or known about the @#$@%@%! deck prior to the
party.

I was also told that I could play background music until about 8:00 pm so that
I could meet and socialize. Yet again, that isn't what happened. Because it
was cold (40 degrees by now) she felt that if we got people up dancing at 4:30
in the afternoon that it would surely lift their spirit. She asked me to play
some rock and roll. I played Elvis, Rolling Stones, and a ton of other
artists but she availed me of the knowledge that they are not Rock And Roll
artists, but, rather CCR and Rod Stewart were more like what I should be
playing. I thanked her for her generous knowledge and proceeded to play what
she asked for. Needless to say, no one was dancing anyway.

Then, good fortune struck. I had one of the guests tell me that he would
dance if I played the Wabash Cannonball. I played the song for him and to my
surprise he actually provided us all with a good laugh, until he dropped his
beer bottle and it shattered all over the patio stone dance floor. Now the
excitement starts.

My aunt had also asked that I provide a single microphone for a friend of hers
who wanted to play some fiddle tunes. By the time that I had arrived at the
party, we needed a 16 channel mixing board for the musicians that appeared as
if from everywhere. I allowed them to use my single microphone and
stand.....until the mic holder broke, partly due to cold and partly due to
someone trying to shove the mic a little too far into the holder.

By this point most of the guests had eaten and we were ready for a first
dance. For some reason though, we could not find the anniversary couple, so I
decided maybe it was time for some Karaoke. It went over really well for the
only 2 people that actually would attempt it. They sang for over half an hour
until one of them fell off the (isn't it wonderful) deck. The fiddler then
requested to come back on just until the first dance started. I said OK. He
played two songs and was booed off the stage, I think it had something to do
with his toxicity level.

Anyway, we were finally ready for the first dance. (8:30pm and the
temperature was hovering around 36 degrees) It went off without a hitch, and
the rest of the evening the dancefloor was packed and everyone that was still
warm enough danced throughout the entire evening. I somehow managed to
receive many compliments and words of congratulations. At the end of the
night it was 20 degrees fahrenheit, I was wearing 2 layers of clothing and my
CD players were just about ready to quit working due to the frost that had
accumulated on them.

If you ever get faced with the same situation. Here are some helpful tips.

- If you are going to do a booking for free make sure that you get a signed
contract and a damage deposit, even from relatives. Make sure that your
contract spells out what the customer has to provide for you as protection
from the elements. My protection consisted of a blue tarp strung over the
deck with no side protection. Good thing it was too cold to rain. I was told
I would be playing in the tent. Should have asked for a heater as well.

· Find out as much as you can about the location before you arrive.

· Make sure you have a full itinerary from the client and help them stick to
it, no matter who they are.

Please don't get me wrong. This party was still a lot of fun. We had great
food, relatives, lots of
refreshments, and tons of good music.

This just proves that in Northern Ontario, all's fair in music and ice and I
would not have it any other way.

Tim Hazelwood
http://www.acclaim-music.com
mailto:acclaim@efni.com

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